We can only be defiled by the things that come from within III

Greetings to you, dear friends! Grace and peace to you from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ!

We have been talking about the fact that outward things do not have capability to defile us. We are defiled by the things that proceed from our hearts.

I used to have a friend, a pastor who was getting married to one of the sisters from his church. They were friendly for a long time and then got married. Family is the union of two individualities that are quite different. Some time after the wedding he told me: „I thought my wife would be obedient and humble, like she was in church». I responded that such an opinion is erroneous. The relationships between husband and wife imply high level of intimacy and openness. The closer the people get to each other, the more faults they notice in one another. I told him that now they need to grow together and nurture and perfect one another. I told him that God would change him through his wife and vice versa, because relationships are double-sided. Every married person can confirm this truth. I don’t know any couple that could say that marriage has affected only one of the spouses.

Many people wear ‘pink glasses’, so to speak, and have unrealistic expectations before they get married. The reality of married life quickly removes the glasses. We enter relationships to be changed and not to change the other person. If we understand God’s principle of relationships as the school and training ground then the married life becomes totally enjoyable.

The Epistle to Galatians talks about the fruit of the Spirit. We must understand that talking about the fruit of the Spirit we must keep in mind that it mostly applies to the area of relationships:

 «But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law» (Galatians, 5:22-23).

It talks about how we treat ourselves, others and God.

Our relationships with God are expressed through love, joy and peace.

Our relationships with others are expressed through longsuffering, kindness and goodness.

Our relationships with self are expressed through faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

If I am full of feelings of inferiority, fear, self-will and pride, it will affect our relationships with other people. If my attitude towards myself isn’t right, I will have a hard time accepting the love of the closest people: husband or wife, brothers, sisters, children etc. So I have to change first and not the others who seemingly make my life more difficult. When I am in peace with myself and love myself, I will be able to love my neighbour as myself.

I must change. I must get rid of my complexes. I must get free from fear and other bondages. I must grow in faithfulness (faith), gentleness and self-control. I also need to grow in longsuffering, goodness and kindness towards other people. God’s Word and close relationships with God will help us change and grow in the fruit of the Spirit!

May God abundantly bless you!

Pastor Rufus Ajiboye